Infomercial Script for "The Original Christian Church"
A few years ago I was a production coordinator for an advertising firm that specialized in television commercial and infomercial production. Knowing that, you'll see why I found the following spoof particularly amusing (posted on the Orthodox Convert List).
In industry lingo this is what is called the CTA, or Call to Action portion of the commercial. Imagine yourself watching TV late one night, when suddenly.........
**In a deep, rich infomercial voice-over**
Are you dissatisfied with your current church?
Are looking for something more ancient? More Holy? More...Christian?
Do you suffer from a frequent urge to stand for hours on end?
Do you long for that Old Time religion?
Try the ORIGINAL CHRISTIAN CHURCH(tm)!
That's right for a limited time only you can join millions of other Christians in The Original Christian Church(tm)!
Join now and you'll receive a lifetime supply of GRACE. That's right Grace. Once applied through the patented Chrism of Grace(tm) it is Guaranteed to cure what ails you (if used according to manufacturer directions).
If you call now, we will also give you the "Tools for the Struggle." This amazing tool set includes prayers too numerous to count, Beginners Fast(tm), Intermediate Fast(tm) and, Monastic Fast(tm). It also comes with Metanoia(tm), Prostration(tm), and confession. As a member of The Original Christian Church(tm) you will also be given access to the Two "I"s(tm): Incense and Ikons.
Surprise your friends with knowledge of ancient Christian beliefs practices long abandoned by the West!
Visit one of our websites to begin your journey on The Way(tm):